Time
I shouldn’t be surprised that time is an issue. When I was a kid, Dad was always late. He’d would tell us we were going to leave for a road trip at 5pm, and at 3am, he’d still be tinkering around. Typically. we’d leave the next afternoon. I remember my mom being upset when we were late to church, movies, dinners… His untimeliness became ours. Everything aways seemed to run “just a little behind.”
Try as I might, time is still a struggle for him, even with me and other helpful caregivers at the helm. His “I need five minutes” is maybe twenty in real time. Trying to help him understand the concept of other people’s time is wasted time.
“We’ve got plenty of time,” is one of his favorite things to say.
But do we? Is there ever enough time in these final years. In any year? Do we ever have time to begin with?
I remember once reading “Time is not real because the moment you think you have it, time is gone.” I’m paraphrasing as I can’t recall the exact quote, but it made an impression on me. And I’m reminded of it now. All that lost, non-existent time.
The past fifty years of time, my lifetime, is a broken memory for him. So little of my life can he recall. Is that time lost? Time wasted? Time forgotten? Or did it never exist in the first place? A fracture in time.
Every morning, when I check to see if he is awake, I wonder if this will be the time that he never wakes. In those moments, as I wait to see the rise and fall of his breath, I wonder if I have used my time with him, as a daughter, as a caregiver wisely. I wonder if perhaps if I have wasted time caregiving, missing out on other things in this timeless life.
I worry about the time I will never get back and all the time I never had to begin with.
Caregiving Tools
Clock Projector: Dad’s vision is pretty awful and the typical table clock he had for years just didn’t work anymore. He also likes to know the temperature in his room and likes to ensure we keep it about 69 - 80 degrees. So after hunting around a bit, I found this pretty cool Clock Projector that puts the time on his ceiling or wall, wherever you point it. I haven’t been able to pair the outdoor temperature part, but he just asks Siri in the morning anyways. At just under $40.00 it’s pretty awesome.
Planner: For as long as I can remember, dad has kept a schedule-at-a-glance book. Even cheaper are these great planner books that you can start at any date you need.
Electric Scooter: The used GoGo that dad purchased from a newspaper ad over a decade ago has been a life saver. If your parent still has their mental faculties, a decent use of their hands, the independence they get using an electric scooter is priceless. Just be prepared to run after them if they set it to “rabbit” - the scooter looks slow but they sure get some speed! A used one is ideal, and more affordable, but if you can’t find one - here’s one similar to his Drive Medical Scooter.
Beanies: Essential for when out and about if your parent has lost, or is losing their hair. The Amazon Essentials beanies come in a two pack, are affordable and work great.
