Not Pregnant

“I’m not pregnant!” That’s what he shouted out to me after a bladder ultrasound to check on some blood in his urine. The urologist told us it was pretty normal with prostate cancer. Which is good because it was making me nervous, but bad because every time I see it I will be concerned.

That’s how this works. When you are a daughter, caregiving for a parent, every time something changes, you worry. You ask yourself, will this be the thing that leads to the end? A swollen limb. Blood in the urine. New weakness in the body. Dizziness. Upset stomach. A day of confusion. Trouble sleeping. Stuttering of words. An ache. A pain. A twitch. A runny nose…

Everything resembles the start of a potentially new diagnosis. Or the acceleration of an existing one. Or the beginning of the end.

For now, he’s ok.

“I don’t have anything terminal, right?” he asked me on the drive home.

“Yup. For right now, the only thing that will kill you is old age.”

“I can live with that,” he laughed.