Diaper Changing
I hate changing my father’s diapers. Seriously. Detest. Abhor. Loathe. Despise. It is my absolutely least favorite thing about caregiving. I thought I’d get used to it, but that just hasn’t happened yet. Eight years in, it still makes me feel icky.
Warning: This gets personal.
Look, I get it. The body is natural. We all pee and poop. My husband has the same bits. I dated for a decade and a half before I met him. So, yeah, I’ve seen a few men’s bits before. I know I exist in part because of my father’s genitalia - but changing my Dad’s diapers, having to clean and handle HIS bits, well, it’s weird.
I could lie to you and be like, sure, no big deal. But, I suck at lying. Can’t hide it on my face. Changing diapers on your parent is so intimate. I never wanted to see his parts when I was a kid and I still don’t. But I do. Daily. It’s just a thing that has to be done.
Keep in mind I know for a fact that he never changed my diaper so it’s not like I’m returning that favor. Mom did all of that with messy, non-absorbent cloth diapers. So at least there’s that, no cloth diapers.
I also know my mother changed HIS father’s diapers in the early seventies because he told me. Dad does not know what it’s like to change his parents’ diapers. And I’m not going to try to explain it because I can’t. That’s cruel. There is no point.
I’m fifty now, he’s ninety. This should be no big deal. After I put him to bed and change the last diaper of the day, I need time to get the images out of my head. To erase wiping down every nook and cranny to prevent diaper rash and other bodily irritations. To forget the feeling of adjusting his bits to place the pad that goes inside the diaper to prevent leakage.
I shower then crawl into bed and watch something mindless on Netflix while my husband snores after trying, sweetly, to interest me in his family jewels, which after diaper changing. Nope. Not going to happen. Maybe someday. Sorry honey. Caregiving diaper changes disrupt sex. (#MyHusbandIsAPatientSaint)
Caregiving Tools
Diapers: After a few months of diaper testing, we found the Abena brand to be the most effective at keeping dad dry. We use a pull up (Abri Flex) during the day, and at night we switch to a standard tab diaper (Abri Form) and use a pad for extra protection. There is a difference between their standard and the premium so test to see which works best for you. Be sure to get the right size! They are are based around hip measurements. Their Delta line is more affordable, but we haven’t tested it out as what we use works so well, I’m afraid to switch. All are available as single packs or multi-packs (2 to 6) so you can order less frequently.
Wipes: Costco Baby wipes work pretty good for general cleaning. A bit more substantial are the McKesson StayDry Premoistened wipes. And for big clean ups and bed baths, I like the thick, Medline Ready Bath Luxe. We first discovered those when he was in the hospital a few years back and they work fantastic. Just a reminder - NONE of these are flushable. Be sure to let everyone in your house know.
Bed Pads: Yes. I go a little overboard here in trying to keep things neat and tidy when it comes to diaper changes. So we also use bed pad liners that help minimize frequent sheet washing and maximize efficiency for cleanups. These pads, with adhesive on the back, help keep things neat and the pad stays in place when dad tosses and turns all night long.
